My Husband is on a date with my best friend

Yeah, that is what I said. My best friend and my husband are at Hooters right now watching a UFC fight. I am pretty comfortable with the whole thing. I know that they would never hurt me and I trust the both of them with my life and the life of my children, so I am pretty sure I can trust them alone together.

I have to admit that I feel a little upset. I was invited to go with them of course but I have no interest in UFC fighting. I get jealous about the fact that they have a lot to talk about together. They have something in common. They have something to laugh with each other about. I don't have that with my husband much anymore. It makes me wish that I could find this stuff interesting. I mean every Sunday my husband goes into his TV room and spends the whole day watching all of the fight shows he has Tivoed during the week. I spend that time being lonely and wanting to talk to him, cuddle with him, lay with him and all of that stuff.

I feel like I need something more from my husband then what I am getting. I need more conversation. I need more emotional support. I need more sex then once every few months. I feel so lonely even with him sitting right beside me. Sometimes I feel like I would rather him be gone then to have to sit and think about how we aren't talking even though we have been in front of the TV all day.

I don't know if I can blame him though. I don't do anything. I don't leave the house. I have nothing to talk to him about. When he talks to me about work I am just bored because it's the same stuff every day.

We don't talk about feelings. We don't talk about deep things. Whenever I start to talk about my feelings I am put under a microscope. If I am feeling depressed he will blame it on my period or lack of. I feel like this is making me feel emotionless. I don't want to talk, I don't want to tell him that I am feeling like I am alone even with his arm around me. I feel Like he wants me to be depressed so that I constantly question my own thoughts as to whether they are real or just part of a chemical imbalance.

I take my pills every day so that he can't blame my feelings on the lack of medication. Do you know what it is like to not be able to feel? To question your own reality? It makes you insane. It makes you hurt even more. I find myself turning to my best friend more and more. She doesn't question me. She listens to me and she gives me advice.

I recently started telling my best friend that I love her. While I am bisexual, I don't think of her that way. I do find her attractive and a strong woman, she just isn't my type. But I feel very close to her. I feel closer to her then my own family. I think of her as a sister more then anything else.

It really makes me happy to know that I can call someone any time day or night if I need her. Sometimes I feel like she is more available to me then my own husband. I know that I can talk to her about more things then I can talk to my own husband about. I can talk to her about my problems with my sex life (that might upset my husband) and I can't even talk to my husband about sex, except in a joking way. I can't tell him about my concerns about the fact that we don't have sex more often or the problems that we have when having sex.