Sex with my husband or the lack there of

The reason that I have trouble talking to my husband about these things is that I am afraid that I might hurt his feelings with some of the problems I have. It just seems like my husband isn't interested in having sex with me anymore. It used to be several times a day. Then I had my son and ever since then we haven't had sex more often then once a month. I gained some weight because of my thyroid condition, I know that I am not as attractive as I was 8 years ago but I want sex all the time, He doesn't. I don't know if it is me or if it is him.

Sometimes when we have sex he doesn't stay hard. It's like I am not turning him on. That makes me feel awful. I don't feel sexy. All women need to feel wanted by their spouse, I don't. I feel like I am not what he wants anymore. I want my husband to throw me down on the bed and rip my clothes off like he did in the past. We used to have sex everywhere and anywhere. Now we have sex, in the dark,on the bed and only on a non-work night. This can't just be because he is 33. He's not that old. And if he thought that the problem was physical on his part why hasn't he gone to the doctor to see what they could do for him if he really wanted to have sex with me.

Seriously, I don't understand why he can't keep it hard when we are in the middle of having sex. I mean if your kissing and sucking and all of that how can you not be "ready to use"? Just reaching down and finding that turns me off immediately and I just roll over. We don't talk about it though. I wish that we could. I wish that I could talk to him about it. I wish that I could find out from him exactly what is going on in his head when this happens. He just acts like it is all fine.

What am I suppose to do as a person who is borderline nymphomaniac? I want sex all of the time. I masturbate every day. I want sex every single day no matter how much pain I am in from my other conditions. He tries to sometimes blame me for the fact that we don't have sex. He says that my knees and shoulders are bad and he doesn't want to hurt me, no matter how many times I tell him that it doesn't hurt me to have sex. If anything sex makes me feel better for a short while.

A lot of the time he will blame it on the time of the day. We will stay up until 10 or so every night to watch TV shows. Then he will say that the kids are going to wake him at 6 am and he needs to get to bed. But a night like tonight when he is going to go out to a bar to watch a fight and stay out til 1 or 2 am is fine. He will even stay up late to play video games even on a work night but if I ask for sex he will tell me he has to go to bed.

I really don't know how to feel about this whole thing. I don;t know if I should be trying to lose weight and work out or if the problem is something medical with him and I should be sympathetic to him. Or maybe it is all just a part of him getting older and not finding sex appealing anymore.

Sex is very important to me. Sex is my way of showing my husband that I love him, that I find him attractive, that I want to make him feel good. I feel like he should want to have sex with me for the same reasons. If he doesn't want to have sex then I feel like he doesn't feel one or all of those things about me.

What can I do to fix this? No matter how many times I talk to my friend about this situation and how many times I have tried her advice nothing seems to get better. I am going to go back to writing it all on a calendar and after a year I am going to show my husband and see what he has to say after that. This means that I will have to wait at least a year to see any changes. I am also going to keep track of my physical pain so that I know how that is effecting our sex life. I will also keep track of how the sex goes and what all we do and how long it lasts. I think that because he is a rational and logical person he might see why this is such a problem for me.

I guess this is all that I can do right now. Unless anyone else has any advice for me. I am willing to try anything at this point. I don't want to have another Anniversary like our last one. Last year I called ahead to the hotel and I had them spread rose petals all over the room, bed and hot tub. They lit candles for us and even had a nice fruit plate out for us. The first night I had a lot of sex games for us to play and we didn't even have sex. We got tattoos of each others names on our arms the following day and then that night I tried to have sex but it wouldn't get hard. So, I faked getting sick and we came home early. We have only had sex about 5 times since then. That was in February.

I really want a change. I will do what ever I have to do to change things, I need a change. I really need to feel sexy. I really need to feel wanted. I especially need to get sex from my husband because I have had thoughts of looking else where. I don't want to cheat on my husband but I am fantasizing about it now. I love my husband and I would never want to lose him. I could never hut him that way. I just want my sex life to be a little more lively.