Clearing Things Up/Day 8 of Chantix

So, I went to the doctor the other day and she says that I have nothing to worry about with the colon, but she is going to do an endoscope and a colonoscopy at the same time on the 11th of October. The last time that I went in for a routine endoscope they found a fungus growing in the back of my throat. So, why shouldn't I be worried this time?

Today is suppose to be my quit day. I am suppose to throw away all of my cigarettes and ashtrays and just give up. I am smoking while I type this. If Chantix is this miracle drug why can't I quit? I guess that I really haven't tried too hard. I assumed that it would make me just not want to smoke anymore and I would stop. I think that what I am going to do is not to get anymore smokes. I think that I have 2 packs left and I am going to smoke them today and then just try to go without. If I really need a cigarette that bad then I will go and buy the nicotine free ones. I don't want to have anymore smokes in the house for a while though.

My husband quit 2 days ago. He is doing really well. I know that he is doing it for me and that makes me happy and sad. I am happy that he wants to be there for me and doesn't want to smoke in front of me but at the same time, if I don't quit then he will start again and that will be my fault. I can't really tell him any of that though because I don't really want him to start again. It would be hard as hell for me to quit if he is still smoking.

It is very early this morning. I woke up at 4:30 am. I normally sleep in until about 9 or 10, especially on the weekends. I don't know what woke me up this morning but it's keeping me awake. I guess I will be going to bed early tonight. Which is good if I am going to be trying to quit smoking. It means that I have a chance at taking a nap today and going to bed early. Meaning less time in the day to smoke, think about smoking or having the energy to drive to the store to get more smokes when I run out. I could always ask my hubby to do it but that wouldn't be fair since he is trying to quit.

I really don't know what is better: trying to hurry up and smoke my last 2 packs today or just trying not to smoke today and have smokes laying around for days and just dragging this thing out for days. I have heard arguments for both sides and they both have valid reasons. I think for me personally get the cigarettes out of the house as soon as possible is the best thing for me to do because, this weekend I have support, getting rid of them sooner means that I can't give up before they are gone and get another carton and I can make a new start sooner then waiting another couple of days.

My husband took the cold turkey method. Well, he smoked a pack of cigarettes over the course of a week then went to nicotine free smokes that taste terrible for the last few days and now he is done. I feel guilty smoking in font of him because I know he really wants to smoke. I feel like if it wasn't for me he would still be smoking or better yet would still be quit from the year before last when we were suppose to quit together and I chickened out on him. He went a whole year without smoking and one day my smoking got to him and he started up again. I can't do that to him again. At the same time, I have to quit for myself or I won't stay quit. The longest that I have gone without nicotine is 3 weeks, maybe a little more. Still, that isn't very long. I know that once I quit I won't to have ruined it by starting smoking again.

That is the great thing about Chantix, you don't waste patches because you have to take them off to have a smoke. With Chantix, you just have a smoke and it's suppose to do nothing for you so you don't have another. I am hoping that with a higher dose this morning that I will be feeling that feeling soon. Right now I am still enjoying my smokes. I really enjoy the inhaling of the cigarette. That is going to be hard to loose.

I really think that my physical addiction is stronger then my chemical addiction. I have bought a lot of hard candy and snacks but nothing can take the place of the hot air flowing thru my lungs. If you have never smoked you will have no idea of what I am taking bout and if your a smoker you know exactly what I am talking about.

Going to spend some time on Pogo today and maybe head out and do some stuff with the hubby and my son. I just need to relax today and enjoy the day, it's my last day to smoke.